Do kids make us happier?

One of the gals in the playgroup I hang out with is a psychotherapist and regularly writes articles for a parenting website. She recently reached out to all of us for our opinion on her current topic: 

Do kids make us happier?

Clearly a loaded question. I let it marinate for a couple of days before getting back to her. And after finally replying I decided I wanted to share my thoughts on the subject. So here it is:


The simple answer would be: yes. Though I'm sure my kidless friends would say that they are just as happy if not happier because they are still able to live footloose and fancy-free. I probably wouldn't argue with them because until you have the experience of having a child, you really know no other frame of reference, right? So the more I thought about it, the more I thought that "happy" might be too black & white of an idea. Which I think is pretty fitting when it comes to talking about kids because raising them is often filled with so many shades of gray. Becoming a mother has changed me in ways I never would've imagined. And, opened my eyes and heart to feelings and things I never knew existed. I am "happier" because I feel my life is so much richer, fulfilling and satisfying. 

JD and I have always had a good relationship, but having this experience together sometimes feels like a secret whispered between each other. The kind that makes you knowingly wink at each other when you catch the other person's eyes across the room. It's strengthened our bond and I feel infinitely closer to him. So that makes me happier. 

Having a kid has made me appreciate my own mother more because obviously now I KNOW. After a few nights of sleeping on the floor next to Emerson's bed in the middle of the night, I suddenly felt like an a-hole for being such a creep to my mom during those tumultuous teen years because now I knew the love and sacrifice that I give to Emerson without question was the same she gave (and still gives) to me. So that makes me happier. **[Footnote: This isn't to say my dad is chopped liver of course. He is equally awesome!]

Though we have our rough patches (ie. tantrums, sleepless nights), Emerson's smile and laughter always outweighs them 200%. So that makes me happier.

I hate to be bored. Having a kid is the ultimate challenge/puzzle and is never boring. So that makes me happier.

Having a kid makes me feel pretty empowered and kick-ass that I CAN do this. So that makes me happier.

Having a kid has helped me put life in perspective. Things that I used to think were important, now seem so trivial. Constantly learning what counts in my life makes me happier.

This list could really go on and on, but I'm sure you pick up on my theme here. I guess it just really boils down to the fact that I feel my life is so much more of an onion now -- sometimes it makes you cry, but all those layers are what make it so delicious. Unless you don't like onions and then maybe it's more like a pomegranate -- it's a lot of hard work, but all those little jewels are totally worth it.